AV Referendum, Collapse Predicted

The century-long dream of electoral reform in Britain appears to be going up in smoke, with press polls predicting that voters will back the first past the post system with a crushing majority against the AV (alternative vote).

The “yes” party press campaign, fronted by Lord Wank Danger,

[Lord Danger Wank]

has pitched an open battle against the “no” camp, fronted by Über-Emperor of Manchester, Sir Shrek of Rooney.

[Lord Shrek of Rooney]

Lord Wank argued that a failure to vote for AV would mean that small parties like the Liberal Democrats would never have a chance of getting into government again, whilst Sir Shrek’s argument was “What? Fuck off!”

The results of the referendum will be formally announced on Friday, and it is thought that a crushing defeat will prompt deep soul-searching inside the Liberal Democrats. Bitter recriminations have been heaped on Sir Shrek for sanctioning a full-scale assault on Sir Nose Clogg, leader of the Liberals.

Conservative PM David Cameron has stayed out of the debate, choosing instead to read studies of gerrymandering at both local and national levels in the UK.