Encyclopaedia Absurdistannica: Handbook of Political Science: Schizocracy


Schizocracy (see also entries on Ineptocracy, Hungary, North Korea, Arizona etc.)

A schizocracy is a country or state ruled by paranoid schizophrenics or other non compos mentis
administrators. This, for a polity’s inhabitants, means rule by people who would ordinarily require
psychiatric treatment or detention in a mental health ward.

The most obvious observable phenomena in a schizocratic regime is the constant paranoia of
government agents: the ruling schizoclass views any criticism as a personal attack, and anyone who
questions government decisions is viewed as an enemy.

In order to solidify its grip over the populace, a schizocratic government will publish laws, budgets,
and public papers that are indecipherable to all but a few certified “experts”. Schizocrats are also often
obsessive about secrecy, as they recognize on some dim level that their activities cannot withstand
rational scrutiny.

In addition to the use of such obfuscatory tactics, the implementation of irrational policies also serves
to strengthen the schizocracy’s position. The rule of law is often weakened: where constitutions and
constitutional courts exist, they are frequently corrupted by the regime; when thieves, embezzlers,
tax evaders, and other criminals are friendly to the schizocrat cause, they go unpunished; when
citizens offend the paranoiacs, heavy penalties are meted out arbitrarily. The media and education
system are pressurized to become the central disseminators of the schizoclass’ mental aberrations:
in some extreme cases university graduates may even be forced to sign contracts that bind them to
the shitocracy for several years after graduation and ban them from seeking meaningful employment
abroad.

The central reason behind the schizocratic regime’s desire to strengthen its grip over the population
is that schizocrats are paranoically aware that sane people are desperate to “defect” or abandon the
abject disarray of the schizocratic state. However, what schizocrats do not realize is that in the long
run they undermine their own position through the excessive hostility, absurdity, and conspiratorial
nature of their governance.

In terms of foreign policy, schizocracies have few allies except for other schizoid regimes. Even then,
relations are often strained, as schizocrats often live at strife with the world, and are convinced that
malign foreign forces are attacking their country.

However, it is important to note that although the underlying mistrust, paranoia, and authoritarianism
of schizocracies is dictatorial in nature, such governments could not exist in a democracy unless a
substantial portion of the population were also delusional.


DR. MUNGO MCBEAN

Professor Emeritus of Political Science,
National University of Absurdistan