On the 2011 Revolutionary Wave

The West has not been caught with its pants down following the popular revolutions in #Egypt, Tunafishia, Libyastan, Sudokostan, and other Afristan countries during the past month or so. We, promoters of liberty, and all dictators who uphold the values of the free world, are in fact lobbying for “orderly transition” in the region. This is the same kind of transition that occurs when you are caught pooping in the corner of the classroom by the head teacher, but instead of hurriedly pulling up your pants and smearing an otherwise impeccable record of clean underwear (a “disorderly transition”), you weigh up the situation and continue as before; you tear leaves from the roll, finish wiping, and then pull your pants up and walk away as if nothing had happened. This is how you maintain dignity in the face of a crisis.

But back to the revolutions. Our intelligence agents at the Facebook Intelligence Agency and National Twitterology Institute have stated all along that the revolutions have arisen because Uranus has entered Aries (or is it Aries that entered Uranus?), as it does every 84 years of a new social cycle. It is well known that at this time, riots tend to occur.

In light of this information, we fully expect the high likelihood that something might just probably happen, connected to revolutions and uprisings, that could perhaps be written in the history books, maybe.

True, we didn’t know anything about the socio-political infrastructure, economics, hierarchies, corruption, the unaffordable prices of food and other rises in the cost of living, and we certainly didn’t know anything about local dictators whom we supported when it suited our own political interests, but that does not mean that we are scrambling to account for the revolutionary wave with random explanations after it happened.

Yours absolutely sincerely,

Doofus Toiletbuns

A Western Intelligence Official.